Ok - so this is the second to the last day of 2012!
As I wrote in my last blog - we use Domestic Discipline to help us communicate better, to work out our problems on the spot (hopefully) and build a deeper understanding of the new roles we want in our relationship. But today I had an idea!
DD can be used for so many wonderful things. One of my major goals is to be a submissive wife - but another goal is to be a better person.
I work in the day and have to get up early a few times a week, which is a big problem for me, because I am a night-owl.
I love going to bed late - which means I'm a wreck in the mornings.
I asked Daddy Jack if he would help with by giving me bedtime curfews.
The days I have to get up early - he will make sure I go to bed early, and the days
I meet later in the morning - he'll let me stay up a bit longer. I can't do this on my own -I need Daddy Jack to help me achieve my goals.
So for the next year, he'll tell me when to go to bed - no negotiating - no contradictions.
If he feels like sending me extra early to bed - I have to obey, because it is his right as leader of the house to send me to bed whenever he feels like it. This second part is to help me learn obedience which is essential for being a good submissive and taken- in- hand wife.
So, that¨s what's new around here - and I am so happy to have a HoH who cares so much about me, that he will anything he can to help me reach my goals! How lucky am I?!!
Many people on many different forums repeatedly talk or write about punishment. There are so many topics about
I think there is too much emphasis on punishment, and not enough on learning. By this I mean that Domestic Discipline is exactly what those words mean - discipline in the home - not domestic punishment. The standard procedure for many new DD couples is;
they talk together about what they need to make the home run smoothly -
and then make rules as guidelines.
So far, so good, Then comes the punishment for breaking these rules. Why? We all learn by doing - we learn from our mistakes. Why punish someone who is trying to find their way in something so completely new as a domestic discipline relationship? Being a teacher, I know that criticism (read: punishment) is not the best way to teach/learn something new. No one likes being punished or criticized in the learning phase - it's a negative action. Do parents yell at a baby when it's learning to walk, every time it falls down? No - they don't. Why should a new DDer be punished from day one? From my own teaching experience , I know that I get much better results with discussion and praise. Learning Domestic Discipline is no different.
There are a million old habits that need to be un-learned.
There is a new mind-set that needs to be learned and then internalized.
There are new roles to accept and new responsibilities to take on.
There is a new form of communication to employ.
There are a new rules to abide by.
Of course newbies will make mistakes in the beginning -Learning or being disciplined is fine - but being punished is not the right way to go about it, in my opinion. It really takes a long time to re-learn so many new things. Here at our house - we've come up with learning reminders. Small spankings that help me learn to embrace the role of a submissive wife to my hubby and not contradict him and his decisions all the time. They also teach me to respect that his word is final and to obey his decisions - and to stop negotiating with him on every little thing. These small reminders help Jack learn to take control, be the man of the house, embrace his new role as leader and take responsibility for the both of us. DD keeps him on his toes and he is learning to play an active part in our marriage - and.. we are learning to communicate in a whole new way. The only reason I can think of to really punish someone, is if they do something to hurt the relationship - on purpose. I guess the point of this blog is to say that Domestic Discipline is not all about punishment, but about learning a new lifestyle that will make everyone happier. Happy New Year dear DD friends!! Hugs Jack's Jill
We are moving into our 3rd month of living a Domestic Discipline marriage.
We've read articles, books, blogs, websites and what ever we could read to find guidance in making our own decisions about what works for us.
Some sites urge HoHs to punish their TIHs for the smallest infractions.
Other sites deem communication as the most important factor in a Dd relationship/marriage.
There are blogs that advocate reminder and maintenance spankings - hoping these will keep the heavy discipline punishments at bay.
Some advocate daily spankings, and others a couple times a week or when necessary.
We're finding out what works for us - and at the moment, I find relinquishing total control to Jack very difficult. Therefore I appreciate reminders to help me find my new role and give up the old.
The dynamics of a Dd relationship are so different from what we've lived before.
I don't want to change my personality, but I do want to be submissive by handing over control to Jack and letting him know how much I appreciate all he does.
I think I'm at the stage where I don't really know where I am!! - I'm kind of on my way out and on the way into something - like having a foot in each world!!
All I know at the moment is, that our version of Dd has helped our marriage to a better place.
With hope for Peace in the new year.
Season's Greetings to all you wonderful people out in Dd land!
Jack and Jill
I knew it was coming - just not today.
December is a busy month for almost everyone.
So many things to keep track of,- shopping, Christmas Cards,
Christmas concerts, work, home, working on being a better wife,
remembering all the rules we agreed upon and much more.
Well, Daddy Jack told me to blow out the Christmas candle.
"No problem - I'll do it in a minute." I answered - went upstairs and
promptly forgot all about the candle.
Jack was busy working, but when he came upstairs
"Didn't you forget something?" Oops - I had promised
to blow out the candle, and didn't.
I had a million and one excuses for not doing what was asked of me.
I could see it in his eyes - I broke a rule..........No I broke two - well to be honest - I broke 3. I didn't obey a simple request, I did something dangerous and I showed a lack of respect
for my beloved Jack by trying to worm my way out of what I rightfully deserved - a spanking.
I really felt bad about these two(OK - three) infractions and apologized for my bad behavior.
After a spanking with his hand, his wooden spatula and ending with the leather
paddle, I promised I would try much harder to be a loving and respectful wife.
1) Would you rather be spanked outside
in a cold woodshed or inside by a cozy fire?
Definitely by a cozy fire! My Hubby spanks me with love. 2) Would you rather be spanked in public or private?
DD is a private matter and not something people normally talk about – so I’d
say in private.
3) Would you rather fantasize about spanking or actually be spanked?
I need my maintenance spankings so I want to be actually spanked. 4)Would you rather be spanked for punishment or for your spanker’s pleasure?
Punishment and maintenance
5) Would you rather be spanked by hand or hairbrush?
The hand please!
6) Would you rather be spanked by belt or cane?
We have a leather paddle – so I would choose the belt – kinda the same thing.
7) Would you rather be spanked by ping pong paddle or riding crop?
Ping pong paddle – I guess I am a paddle
8) Would you rather be restrained or unrestrained during a spanking? I can restrain myself – it’s a big part of learning submission.
9) Would you rather be spanked until you cried or until you are aroused?
I don’t cry – I whimper.When I whimper,
I know my HoH’s message is getting through!
10) Would you rather have just a red bottom or welts/bruises?
Red bottom – welts and bruises are abuse in my opinion.
11) Would you rather be spanked for the naughty things you have done or just
because you enjoy the experience?
For breaking the rules we have and for being disobedient and disrespectful.
12) Would you rather be spanked with panties up or panties down?
No panties at all – just good old-fashioned bare -bottomed. 13) Would you rather be spanked somewhat
clothed or entirely naked?
Somewhat clothed – but if my hubby wanted me naked, I would obey.
14) Would you rather be spanked OTK or bent over a table/chair?
Whatever my Hubby decides. I’m good with his choices. Both are ok.
15) Would you rather be a brat to your spanker to deserve a spanking or
simply ask your spanker for a spanking because you know you needed it?
I often ask for a spanking and know when one is needed!
16) Have you received a spanking in the last week?
Almost everyday! 17) Would you rather be spanked for the physical pleasure or the emotional
The emotional release. Keeps me in balance and helps me learn my role as a
submissive wife.. 18) Would you rather tell your best friends that you enjoy to be spanked or
keep it a secret?
The world is not ready for this and neither
are our friends – so it is a very private thing between us.
19) Would you rather spanking be a lifestyle choice or just something you
It is turning into a lifestyle and I can’t imagine turning back at the
moment. 20) Would you rather your husband be a vanilla or a spankoholic too?
want him to embrace his role as leader, disciplinarian and the man I love and
respect – so it’s good we’re on the same page about this – therefore – a
21) Would you rather be spanked by a stranger or by someone who knew you
well? Only by the man I love. It’s all
about love, marriage, peace, harmony, respect, being taken in hand, and adored! 22) Would you rather be talked to while you are spanked or no talking at
Talked to before and after. (sometimes in between) 23) Would you rather get one swat at a time with pauses to let the sting set
in or a continuous tanning to build up the fire?
One swat at a time but for a longer period. I can’t take continuous spanking,
especially with the leather paddle. 24) Would you rather be forced into a spanking or willingly submit into a
Willingly submit to a spanking – again, because it’s part of my unlearning bad
habits and learning respect and obedience. I know when I have an attitude
problem. 25) Would you rather have a safe word or be pushed beyond your preconceived
We have a safe word – but I totally trust my hubby to be fair and to know my
limits. 26) Would you rather your spanker know your spanking history or is ignorance
I have no spanking history at all. But if I had, I’d let him know. Honesty is
the best policy and the foundation for a good marriage.
27) Would you rather be spanked once a day or once every few months?
We haven’t evolved that far yet – so everyday is best for me.
28) Would you rather a closer physical relationship or a closer emotional
relationship with your spanker?
Both! Domestic Discipline has definitely brought us closer together in
every way. 29) Would you rather your spanker ice your bottom down after a spanking or send
you to the corner to display his/her accomplishment?
Aloe Vera is what we use and that’s fine with me. I hate ice and corner time
would be humiliating.
That’s not what DD is about, in my opinion. 30) Would you rather your spanker be the person you wish to live the rest of
your life with (i.e. marriage) or the person you can call on when your tushy
tickles? The only man in my life – my hubby. 31) Would you rather spanking be part of love making or not a part of love
Lots of different opinions out there in DD blogland about this – but love
making as a comfort AFTER spanking
is wonderful and brings us closer together. 32) Would you rather your spanker have total control over you when you are
being spanked or do you still want to have some control while you are being
I want him in control – I need to show him how much I trust him. 33) Would you rather be humiliated or respected during a spanking?
Spankings are for changing bad behavior and for making a home a happier,
calmer and peaceful place. Humiliation plays no part in that. Where there is
humiliation – there is no respect.
34) Would you rather your spanking be gentle and gradual or painful and
Gradual and gentle. 35) Would you rather be spanked
exclusively in your own bedroom or anywhere else other than your own bedroom?
Wherever my hubby decides. I personally like the bedroom best – but the decision
is up to him. 36) Would you rather be spanked exclusively on your bottom or would other
places be interesting too?
Only on my tush!
37) Would you rather that spanking be a surprise or something that you have
to look forward to?
It all depends on the situation. 38) Would you rather that spanking be a part of role playing kinkiness or a
response to events that have happened in reality?
DD and spankings are a lifestyle for us, not a game. Spanking for us would be as a response to
events. 39) Would you rather be cuddled or scolded after a spanking?
Absolutely cuddled and loved.
You can borrow this template and make it your own!
Hello fellow DD'ers!
Just a little note to say that our favorite and most inspirational blog site has now become a full- fledged website!!
Yes! Learning Domestic Discipline has now become a brand new website!!
Clint and Chelsea at Learning Domestic Discipline have been such an inspiration to our relationship.
We have learned so much about Domestic Discipline, and it is because of them,
that we are on our way to a wonderful new way of communicating!!
The Learning Domestic Discipline blog has guided many couples to new horizons - so a new website is just a wonderful blessing!
Call it what you will, but I want to become a submissive wife.
I know that many don't like that word - but I don't care!!
I guess coming from a "Women's Lib" generation, that would sound like I'm being a wimp.
But I feel it's getting back to basics.
Moving into a role that was meant to be.
I'm dead tired of believing my world will fall apart if I'm not:
A part of all the decisions being made -
Trying to make time to do everything -
Being everywhere at one time -
Keeping an eye on everyone -
Keeping the house on track -
Knowing the state of our finances -
Making everyone happy -
Being a good wife, mother, colleague, shopper, teacher, mentor, friend.
I'm dead tired just writing about it!!!
That's why, in such a short time, I've made a life-changing decision.
I'm letting Jack do the things he does best. I'm working on not butting in, negotiating,
arguing and dominating every single situation and decision.
But how to unlearn these "bad" habits that took a life-time to learn?
Submission has to be the answer.
Here at the beginning, I've had to stop myself a million times from falling back into old patterns.
Everything is new and requires a huge amount of restraint and effort.
It's all on the surface still - so how do we go about making it a part of the fabric of who we are?
I, for one, know that if Jack steps up and takes the lead, that will help a lot - and thank goodness, he has!!
To get into "submissive" mode - I've asked him to give me maintenance spankings everyday.
I need to learn, know and understand that the decisions he makes are non-negotiable.
I need to submit to his will.
I need to understand that he is the boss now. He runs things. He determines my disciplines and keeps me in line.
Even though disciplining me is totally new for him - he seems to be embracing his new authority and the respect, admiration and love that goes along with it.
All I can say is - it is helping me so much in accepting my new role as a submissive wife,- and loving it!
I can let go and relax - knowing that he knows best and appreciating all he does.
Do these spankings hurt? You bet!
Is it worth it? Yes it is!
I'm learning to put myself in his hands and trusting him to take care of me in so many ways.
So that's where we are at the moment - and I couldn't be happier!
While reading some blogs and comments - I noticed a few people
didn't understand why it is so important for a DD wife to show obedience
to her HoH.
Many thought we were weak, looking for "father-figures" or losing our identities.
The following is my answer to some of these comments.
Jack and I are new to Domestic Discipline - but I don't think we'll ever go back
to any other type of marriage.
This is an "old-fashioned" type of marriage
where the man is the head of the household, takes care of his loved ones, enforces the rules of the house and makes the final decisions.
And what does a DD wife do? She gives the man she loves respect, obedience, love and admiration!
Are we door
mats? Not at all!
My hubby listens to all my opinions and takes them
all into consideration, then makes the final decision.
Why do I agree to
this? Because (as Jack says) there can only be one captain on a ship - otherwise there's chaos.
We made a list together of the things that we want in our
When my HoH has broken one of our rules - he has to
apologize. That is a big thing for him!
When I break a rule, I get disciplined! How could I ever love and respect a man I could spank? Someone
has to enforce the rules! I make the waves - he gets the boat on course
- and I adore him for this. He is so much more involved in our marriage
now - working to make our days happy, loving, calm and peaceful. I love
domestic discipline - no more days of cold shoulders, and the silent
Problems are solved on the spot and when I have learned my
lesson, we cuddle and make love and are happy again.
I make decisions on behalf of other people all day long at work - but at home I've handed over the reins to my Jack and that works perfectly.
would like to add, that my hubby doesn'thave the right to spank me for
daily things such as cleaning the house etc....I'm not his slave. We share the responsibilities of the daily chores together - but he does have total control
over everything that upsets our marriage.
He disciplines for the The 4 Ds - and the extras:
Health and safety.
Domestic Discipline is not only about punishment! Spankings are a means to achieve a better conduct in a marriage. I can imagine that most couples, in time, have no use for discipline when they've learned to communicate in a loving and respectful manner.
We've been doing our homework - reading all we can about Domestic Discipline.
Forums, blogs, websites, documentaries, diaries and more.
There's a lot of interesting ideas and great creativity too out there!!.
Among many of the topics regarding DD are implements for spanking.
People's preferences differ from person to person (couple to couple) and among these implements - many prefer the wooden spoon.
We totally respect that people should use what ever works for them.
To us - the heart of the home is the kitchen. Here we feed each other, talk, relax, play games around the table and just have a cozy time together.
In our kitchen we have lots of wonderful utensils! We love all our utensils - especially those made of wood. In fact - most of our utensils aremade of wood!
Therefore we agreed that utensils belong in the kitchen - so what do we discipline with, besides the hand - which is very handy? (no pun intended!)
Well...............I am a high maintenance girl - not in a bragging way, but because when you buy good quality things - you tend to take better care of them, they last longer and get better with age.-
So Jack's getting the best paddle we could find - one that only lives in our bedroom!
A beautiful paddle hand-made by .The London Tanners!
And here it is! (pretty cool - I think!)
So if you ask us - To Spoon or not to Spoon?
Only when we sleep! :)
I've been reading around in DD Blogland that lots of couples just starting out,
(ourselves included) don't know where to begin when starting out with Domestic Discipline.
As far as I understand -half of the term Domestic Discipline is the word Discipline!
I personally don't want to start out with a punishment - that's for sure!!!
I'm trying really hard to come to terms with relinquishing control - letting Jack sail this ship and being respectful and obedient to his wishes.
Many wives out there are doing the same - and that's where we're at..............
Hubby doesn't really want to punish me for nothing. This is all new to him too!
So if we don't want to start out with a heavy-duty spanking - where do we start?
Perhaps with a spanking that helps my hubby to assert and establish his authority.
A spanking that says............Hubby is now in charge!
Well -- what do we have to work with at the moment?
But those terms don't seem to define what we need right now to get things going and to get things on track!
I personally need a word or action that let's me know that: "hubby is now in charge" - get over it, work on it, deal with it!
A spanking that shakes my "domestic house", rattles my inner- furniture and let's things fall into place, in a whole new way. A spanking that helps me to see my hubby in a whole new light - in awe and wonder. A "He's the boss now" spanking and me loving it.
Changing old habits isn't easy. Bad habits have taken years to learn - and now I need to un-learn them to help make our marriage a place without a battle-of-the-wills.
So we'll be working on finding a new expression for this and implementing it asap!
So, stay tuned!
Today Jack and I made a list for making our home a happier one.
I need to say that even though I came with the idea of Domestic Discipline -
I was suddenly in doubt today and have been beside myself with a million questions!.
What do I stand to lose by committing myself to DD?
and I really couldn't come up with much.
And then I thought, what could I win?
I could win :
a happier household.
Less fights and bickering.
A better form for communication.
A man who takes the lead and commands respect through his actions and decisions to make our marriage better.
A husband I love and respect and obey with joy.
Better behavior from the both of us.
A home filled with love and affection.
A husband who is more involved in making our life wonderful.
A home filled with peace and harmony.
unconditional trust in my hubby
Watching my hubby grow with his new responsibilities.
knowing everything my hubby says and does, is with love and not anger.
This list is truly endless ................
So tomorrow we commit to bettering our life together through DD.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch
a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after..............
That pretty much sums up our marriage.
Lots of love and common interests......
and struggling up hills, falling down
and trudging up again. That's why I had to find something to
get us out of this rut - shake our foundation-
and get us on track to a life with love, harmony,
respect, trust, discipline, communication and a safe haven.
Hubby is now on board - understands the essentials
of domestic discipline and probably has said yes
to make me happy, which he has done.
I'm sure we have a looooooooooooong road ahead -
filled with ups and downs - but hopefully moving forward
each day at a time.
Forward is certainly better than up and down the same
Hubby and I are in the discussion phase of
Domestic Discipline right now.
He's doing his homework; reads and we discuss why I think this will
bring us forward and together in our marriage.
It might seem a bit late - as we've been married for 22 years - but
many of those years have been a battle between our strong wills.
Suddenly I had a revelation one day. I found out how much I need him,
want him, love him and without my realizing -
he has been the HoH of our family for years!
He takes care of me in all that it entails, except for drawing the line
and disciplining me - which I feel I truly deserve.
Why I've fought him for so long probably has to do with the political
environment I grew up in. Women should be strong, independent, make
their own choices bla. bla. bla.................
I found Clint's site, Learning About Domestic Discipline, and boy did
I have a "light bulb" moment!
The best way to show my love and trust, is to let my hubby make
the major decisions and take an active part in how our marriage should
be run. I'm the one making waves - he should be the one to correct
and create peace and harmony.
I know he can do this - I just think he needs to come to terms with the
disciplinary site of DD,
More on this later!